EXT. GOLF COURSE
Commercial for DENTECARE DENTAL FLOSS being recorded. CAREN MAY (CM) is in full golf garb, holding a driver (1 wood golf club). Golf ball positioned on a tee.
CU CMs mouth. A nervous, toothy smile. Perfect teeth. Slowly zooms out over the period of the comercial.
DIRECTOR, off-screen: "Whenever you're ready."
CM, formal, stiff: "Hey, y'all! It's me, 4-time LPGA winner Caren May. With all the time I spend golfing, I have little time to worry about different holes. That's right ladies, cavities. Thankfully, Dentecare's for-for....form....'for-MUH-lah-TEHD' this new dental floss. It 'putts-out' cavities."-by this time, CM is talking very casually- "It's got, like, something in here from Indians or something, and, uh, it came from around this here Algonquin [mispronounced] Golf Lodge. It's like a plant or something. I dunno. Anyways, I just use it at night like so."
CM demonstrates proper dental floss usage. Makes a face.
CM: "It tastes just like....ASS!!"
DIRECTOR: "The hell?!"
CM: "It's like pulling a stringy, minty ass through my teeth!"
DIRECTOR: "We're using some new Indian plant, comes from around here. Actually, you're standing on it; real good golf grass, they say. Look, just keep going with the script, we can edit it."
CM: "...and my teeth are sparkly clean! Oh, and it's de-"-throws up a little in the mouth-"delicious too! [stiff]It's like dessert on a string!(TM)"-CM swings the driver at a glof ball, pauses-"[stiff]A hole in one! So try Dentecare Dental floss! And remember, you can't spell 'care' double-you-slash-oh 'Caren.'"
"CUT!"
DIRECTOR facepalms.
CM: "Well, did I do good this time?"
DIRECTOR: "....Good enough. We'll get it in editing. The light's no good, so let's just call it a day, bring it back tomorrow."
CM: "I still don't get it, why'm I s'posed to say 'a hole in one'? I think the ball went into the water hazard."
DIRECTOR: "We'll edit it. It's gonna look great. You'll look great. You'll look as good as your contract. It better look that good. Anyways, you got this nice, long grassy thing over there, so you just hit some balls and have fun, 'kay? Oh, Mark, tell the groundkeeps they can start spraying that stuff now."
Groundskeeps start spraying pesticide from white bottles labeled "EXPERIMENTAL."
DIRECTOR, ranting in background: "HEY JIMMY! GET OVER HERE! I got a real eating out from the groundskeeper yesterday, says someone keeps leaving donut boxes around the lawn. Hey, I don't see no other fatass eatin' donuts around here. You callin' me a fatass?!"... goes on like that.
CM: "Wow, TV people sure are smart."
Tees up a golf ball. Drives it to the hole. Stops just a few inches from the hole.
DIRECTOR: "Whaddaya mean we don't have coverage? A dead zone? How the hell am I supposed call the agents? Shit, lousy phone company"...keeps ranting in the background
A ZOMBIE HAND comes from the hole, grabs the ball, pulls it down into the hole.
CM: "THANKS!"
ZOMBIE HAND gives thumbs up, then descends.
TITLE: ZOMBIE GOLF LODGE.
